Stop Shedding for the Wedding

Stop Shedding for the Wedding

Words by Britney Magleby

I was 11 years old when I first heard a negative comment about my body, and I’ve felt ashamed about some part of my appearance every day since. When I was 13, I skipped a meal because other girls said their mothers used this technique to stay “pretty.” I learned that I could restrict calories for my still growing body in order to gain attention. 

When I was 15, Seventeen magazine conditioned me to idolize the bodies of models. To this day, I catch myself feeling unwelcome jealousy when I meet a beautiful woman. My freshman year of college, a family member commented on my weight when I came home, before inquiring about classes, friendships, or my overall well-being. It now takes conscious effort to convince myself that my value to my loved ones is deeper than my outward appearance.

These memories — more ingrained than most joyful moments — formed and shaped the person I am. And the same is true for many other women. 

According to the National Organization for Women, 53 percent of girls report being “unhappy with their bodies” by age 13, and 78 percent of women report the same by age 17. Forty six percent of girls in fourth through sixth grade have already experimented with diets and calorie restriction. And 70 percent of adult women report withdrawing from activities due to their body image.

So, it’s no wonder that by the time we get engaged, we believe we have to manipulate our bodies into someone else’s version of perfect. According to the Center for Discovery Eating Disorder Treatment, 70 percent of brides diet — often to the point of malnutrition and overexertion — to fit into their dresses. 

There’s got to be another way.

Manage Your Media Consumption

Lose 10 Pounds in One Month. 

Lose Weight Fast for Your Wedding. 

These are the results populated by an online search for “wedding body prep.” Instagram checklists and TikTok videos of “what I eat in a day” highlight brides’ insecurities and promote the idea that only one body type is beautiful in a wedding dress. Even articles entitled “Lose Weight for Your Wedding in a Healthy Way,” feed into a presumption that a bride needs to change her appearance to appease both her fiancé and her wedding guests.

“Be cautious of the media you consume leading up to your wedding,” says Eden Morris, registered dietitian, certified intuitive eating counselor, and owner of Teton Performance Nutrition. Morris has dedicated her career to helping people of all ages “find better relationships with their bodies, with food, and with movement.” She says, at the very least, be aware that most negative body perceptions can be traced back to media, rather than our own core beliefs.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

“It’s not about how you look, it’s about the memories you create,” explains Morris. 

Surround yourself with a bridal party and planning crew who understands this and make it clear that comments about your body — regardless of intent — are not welcome. Adopting a “body positive” mindset before the planning starts — by appreciating your own body for what it can do, practicing positive self-talk, and resisting the urge to compare yourself to others — sets the tone for what will and will not be tolerated, so that judgmental comments won’t even come into play.

“When people comment, they don’t know what they’re reinforcing,” Morris says. This is especially true during the dress fitting. Ask the group to ground you around “how you feel in the dress, not how you look.”

And remember, wedding dress sizes have zero relationship to your typical “street clothing” sizes. Expect to buy a dress that may be four, or more, sizes larger than your typical street size. And be okay with it. (It’s just a number.)

Connect With Your Partner 

The pages of this magazine are filled with inspiring love stories, but do you know what you won’t find in these stories? Mentions of cellulite, flabby arms, muffin tops, or thunder thighs. Not because they weren’t there, but because they just don’t matter.

“Do you want a perfect day, or do you want a healthy relationship?” Morris inquires. 

Local couple’s counselors, like Jackson Hole Family Solutions, provide pre-wedding counseling, which allows you to revisit why you truly love your partner and vice versa. It strengthens your communication skills and interactions with each other and provides a road map for addressing issues that may come up in the future. 

Taking this vital relationship step allows you to feel so solid in your relationship leading up to the big day and builds an unwavering self-confidence. This, in turn, takes your focus away from your outward appearance and allows you to tune into what truly matters.

Ditch The Notion Of “Love at Every Sight” 

When I began my interview with Eden, I asked a question that sparked this article: How can brides love their bodies? 

“I would love to know if any bride fully loves her body all the time,” Morris said. 

This answer felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

“It’s like a relationship with your fiancé,” she explains. “You’re not infatuated with your partner all the time. Sometimes they frustrate you and excite you; they challenge you and test your limits.” 

“Body image is a spectrum,” says Morris, “and there’s a lot more on the spectrum than just body love and body hatred.” 

When we can experience a healthy range of emotions toward our bodies, by practicing self-care and gratitude for what our bodies can do, prioritizing healthy habits, and actively challenging negative self-talk with positive affirmations, then, on our wedding day, we take the pressure off ourselves.

Hire An Expert

Body image is a deep-rooted, exceptionally personal journey. The work required to address decades of societal influence and negative thoughts is not easy. I get it. So, if you’re still into dieting before your big day, hire an expert, like a registered dietitian and nutritional counselor, who can help you truly begin your journey toward self-love. 

A counselor will guide you toward the correct way to fuel your body, and will provide tips on how to eat pre, during, and post wedding so that you feel your best and don’t tap out your adrenals. Guidance can also include an exercise regimen that’s healthy and not too demanding, as well as tips on alcohol consumption surrounding the big day and how to not overdo it (or even abstain from it in a way that no one will notice), so that you can feel your best throughout the celebrations. 

On your wedding day, specifically, a counselor can also help you “be at peace [with your whole self-image] on the day,” says Morris. 

“Don’t think you have to go this alone.” 

I’ve spent one third of my life worried about the size of my body. I don’t want to spend my wedding day minimizing who I am. Not when my body has more important things to do than just sit still and look pretty. My arms will be busy linking with my dad’s as I walk down the aisle. My stomach will be full of butterflies and excited energy. My legs will be eager to get down on the dance floor. My head will be creating memories, and my heart will be overflowing with love. 

That’s all I need from my body on my wedding day.